Ons het so twee terug hierdie brief van Zeethan se ma ontvang. Ek skryf eintlik nooit oor C nie maar ek het gevoel dat ek tog hierdie met julle wil deel. Daar is nog hoop. Sy lyk baie goed en sy was baie verras toe ek hom die 26ste Desember gevat het om haar te sien.
To my dearest Angel,
I am writing you this letter for you to hold and keep close to your heart. For a very special day. That special day will be the day that you will be old enough to understand the world around you and the true meaning of life. One day you will want to know the truth, the truth about what happened, the truth how I really felt about you.
Firstly you are a very lucky little boy; you are also a very strong and special little boy. God really loves you a lot and definitely wanted you to be apart of this world. I know this because you made it, you made it through it all, and that’s why I say that you are a very special little boy. I will and always will be your mommy and daddy will always be your daddy, that’s the way God chose for it to be. I knew that from the very first day that I found out that I was pregnant and that’s why I chose to keep you and bring you into this world.
The truth is that I was on drugs, very bad drugs so I never really cared about myself, I lost total respect for my myself, so much that I nearly died. I was scarred at first when I found out about you, I never had a job and I was a drug addict, but one thing was for sure, I wasn’t going to have an abortion no matter how people felt. People thought maybe you would be brain damaged as I used drugs right through my pregnancy except for the 3 months that I was in Noupoort. I changed when I was there, I stopped drugs, I stopped smoking and I even gave my life to Jesus.
Your daddy and I were supposed to be married, we had everything going for us and then I left. I messed things up. I guess that I was selfish and landed up hurting a lot of people around me, including you. Don’t get me wrong, you were mine and no one could ever take you away from me because you were inside of my tummy. I would like to say that I am sorry for doing that to you. Your daddy used to hold my tummy to feel you kick, those were special moments, even when I saw you on the scan to me you were beautiful. I loved you daddy very much and that’s one of the reasons why I love you so much and this because through you, your daddy, (((you))) and I will always be made one.
When you came out of my tummy I heard your cry, a cry I’ll never forget. For the first time in my life I had done one thing right, I had kept you and you were mine and no one would ever change that. I only had one problem. I was still weak and even although I wasn’t independent; I so badly wanted to take you home with me. Then when I found out that I was unable to take you home, my heart broke into two and leaving the hospital without you made me feel lost. No one really knew how I felt deep down; know one knew what I went through. Always remember that I never signed those papers to get rid of you, I signed those papers because I didn’t want you to go to some funny home, so instead I gave you to your granny as she cared so much for you and wanted you to have the best, and now you really do have the best. Zeethan, mommy carried you for 8 months and so because of that we will always have a connection.
The best thing that happened for me was to be sentenced to 3 years. I have been sentenced here for 8 months and 2 weeks now, and I am a changed person now. I am doing courses. I am also doing my matric now so that I can study further and get a real job one day to support you and buy you nice things. I started 3 days ago saving some of my tuck shop money for you.
Your granny was kind enough to bring you all the way to see me. It was a very special day for me because it was the first time that I saw you being clean. You are so, so beautiful, you are my little boy, you look just like daddy.
In the beginning it was hard for me as I was so hurt and frustrated that I felt like I couldn’t go through what I was about to go through without drugs. But as time went on I started becoming stronger and the more I admitted to myself that I was selfish, I was wrong the more I started to change deep within myself. I now have changed and from now on I will always be there for you.
I am so happy I saw you as you are my will to change, I know that now. I love you Zeethan, you are my shining little star, that’s why I named you Zeethan because it means shining. It felt like you were born yesterday and now on the 28/01/2009 you will turn 2 years old.
Happy Birthday my Angel. I am sorry I can’t be with you on your big day, but I will be thinking of you, and this will be the last birthday that I won’t wish you personally. Thank you for my present, it’s beautiful. I look at your photos all the time, and I also have a picture of you stuck on my wall next to my bed.
I was wrong in doing the things that I did, and yes, I can say sorry, but at the end I’ve changed. I changed in a big way, I would like to be apart of your life, and it took prison to get me to realise that. In the end it’s been worth it because now I know who I am, I have dreams and goals in my life which I’ll achieve, you’ll see, I’ll make you proud to be my son and I’ll be proud to be your mother.
I love you, keep strong and I’ll keep on writing to you, I hope you get this letter and be good for granny!
Lots of hugs, Love and Kisses
As julle hierdie brief klaar gelees het, gaan kyk gerus na hierdie video. Ons KAN NET nie opgee om aanhou te probeer opstaan nie! Hierdie persoon het geen arms of bene nie… maar hy het die “Never give up” motto!